What I know for certain is that stillness can heal.

let’s focus a sweet, silly, somewhat salty moment on that which brings me joy: 

When the panic attacks started, I felt betrayed by my almost 40 yr old body for remembering so vividly how panicked my 20 yr old body felt.

This might seem odd to you, but it makes sense to me. 

I don't intend this to become a free for all in bashing religion, even though expressions of my hurt will likely come off as salty.