In the battle of creating balance between professional duties, familial responsibilities, personal tasks, and the (sometimes whiteknuckled) search for joy interweaved within it all, there are a few moments, practices, and items that deliver me that deep, intentional, renewing breath essential for an existence that looks more like thriving than surviving, even when it doesn't often feel that way; blips of reprieve from an infinite to-do list involving constant communion with grief, trauma triggers, and way too loud reminders about how scary the world we live in is. Oh, could I write about seventeen blog posts commiserating about how hard it all is. But instead, let’s focus a sweet, silly, somewhat salty moment on that which brings me joy:
Investigative Journalism - I am inspired by justice born because someone felt outraged and wrote about it. I cannot ignore that my experience in social work, incessant need to poetically express myself, understanding of societal failings, drive for social justice, and rebellious yearning to bust out of the non-profit policy box would marry beautifully to create an impactful journalistic career. Daydreaming with oompf? Maybe. Burnout dancing with hypervigilance tempting me to run from my current gig? Possibly. Desire to always move towards something I’m not doing yet? Probably. Hearing a call from the Universe that demands an answer? Perhaps
My New Disco Ball Coffee Mug - Is it enough that I have a disco ball hanging from the ceiling in my bedroom, a tiny disco ball on a stick I can call decor and insert anywhere as embellishment, a roll of disco ball tape in my craft room waiting for a project, and a spinning disco ball for the hamsters in my brain? No. Where disco balls are involved, less is less, and more is better. Caffeinated dance party anyone?
Upaya Zen Center’s 3 Tenets of a Zen Peacemaker-
Not knowing, thereby giving up fixed ideas about myself and the universe.
Bearing witness to the joy and suffering of the world.
Healing myself and others.
Let me tell you, I am about eleven frantic tornados, prismatic light, a mob of angry hamsters & a soul shoved into a body. As a youth, I was obsessed with the idea of peace, so I fervently collected peace sign anythings, physical symbols of a concept I didn’t understand so reverently at the time as a desperately desired antidote to my budding complex trauma disorder. As an adult in a particularly bad mood with several hundred hours of therapy under my belt, I want to rage smash any peace sign paraphernalia gifted to younger me from anyone that contributed to the danger I developed immersed in.
Now that I’m further along my peacemaking pathway, a homily I watched online a few years ago about the brazen nature of peacemaking left a mark; after a lifetime of passive under the rug shoving, learning that conflict must be addressed assertively & kindly to create peace was a divinely touched moment that began the holy shake out of the people pleasing I inherited from my youth. So much of my experience after trauma has been assigning narratives to various components of my life as an attempt to control them. Upaya’s 3 Tenets serve as a necessary reminder that to accomplish the peace I have always craved, I must cling fervently to not knowing, witnessing, and healing, the three of which are holy joy cultivators.
Horseradish - Spread a spicy dollop on any kind of beef, or ham sandwiches, on potatoes, hotdogs, steamed vegetables, basically any food because I love zip and zip loves me. Horseradish in oatmeal? I would consider it.
Family Giggle Fest - I have such tenderness for moments that my entire crew gathers in the same room to sling each other with general mockery & absurdity. We are all ridiculous in our own right, but these magic moments when we are together with the right circumstances for whimsical mayhem? Absolute Unhinged Hilarity. Laughing hysterically with my children until I almost pee myself as a conduit to joy? You betcha
Prison Book Donation programs - Hello, thank you, take my entire Books to Donate pile please. Should we become penpals too? Aw shucks, I thought you'd never ask.
Staycations with My Beloved - Entire weekends cozied up in a hotel bed ignoring the outside world, watching disney movies from our youth & entire seasons of modern witty comedies while we sip de-alcoholized beer, eat chips and dip, go for spontaneous coffee runs, play midnight card games, and sometimes sit in a dry jacuzzi fully clothed. Not to mention all the other stuff we do in a hotel room while not fully clothed because his skin on my skin feels like heaven on earth, and his body on/in my body reminds me to breathe.
Actually Doing That Which I Feel Called To - There’s singing lessons, lane swim, hula hoop dance, weight lifting, training for a season of 5k runs, neighborhood book libraries to build, a hinged hoop for my nose piercing, more tattoos, numerous writing projects, online courses, and so many craft ideas. When I say the hamster in my brain runs on a disco ball wheel, I mean it.
Aunt Lizzy & Niecy Sprout - For a serious minute in the days leading to her birth, I had a deliberate debate with myself about if I would be called Aunty Liz or Aunt Lizzy. Nothing but high stakes decision making here. I suppose she’ll ultimately decide, however. Having been a young momma during intensely traumatic years, and waiting two decades for the honor of becoming an aunt, this sweet lil’ sprout has already in her short life blessed me with much needed, entirely unexpected healing. I waited a long time for her, and already understand that Divine Timing was again, not surprisingly, at play with her arrival into our lives. My salty soul is wholeheartedly grateful for her sweet soul, and I look forward to continued cultivation of our relationship. I have GOT to start stitching those baby shoes.
Reading An Entire Book In One Weekend - shout out to book lights, cat snuggles, cozy drinks, soft bedding, phones on silent, greasy hair, slipper socks, and authors that keep us invested from the front cover all the way to the back in under 48 hours.
One day may I be so lucky to become an author that blesses a reader with the same joyous reprieve that a select few have blessed me with.
The next post might be littered with photos and poems, and decorated with light, or just maybe I'll begin my journalism career right here on the blog. Depends what the hamsters decide.
If you're still here, thanks for sticking with me. Love & Salt in the search for Joy,
E
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